I Have A Roommate!

It's official. I have a permanent roommate. I'm typing this on my computer next to her couch, listening to my Bose iPod player a bit muffled because one of the mattresses that she's trying to sell is leaned up against the wall. (Don't worry, there is a specific reason I bring up this 11 inch, memory foam, medium firmness, full size mattress)

I'm about to joke around a good bit, and the truth is I couldn't be happier. It's not my computer or her couch. It's ours now. I'm the luckiest guy in the world to be able to say that. That someone as beautiful, smart, sexy, cute, insightful, caring, and impactful has decided to share a home with me is pretty amazing. I hope I can make her feel half as amazing as I think she is. If I can do that, she'll stick around.

Moving isn't fun and can bring out the worst in people. We didn't have too much to move, but I don't think either of us were looking forward to it. The following is a play by play of how the day went from an awesome start to Christina trying to murder me with my washing machine.

0503: I'm up. It's early for me but we have a lot to do today. I turn over and gaze into my girlfriends sleepy eyes. She's moving into my house today and I'm pumped. We have a good plan, have discussed it at length, and are ready to execute it. She's still sleeping but slowly waking up. I realize how lucky I am to sleep next to someone so beautiful.

0507: She's waking up and I'm gently rubbing back. I ask her if she's ready for her morning coffee. She decides to keep me in the bed. I think this is a great choice. We do adult things for a while.

0541: I make my beautiful girlfriend her morning coffee. She likes to sit up and drink it in bed as I rest my head on her legs. This is our thing. I hope it will be for years to come.

0557: A sudden burst of energy has hit her, and we are now taking my daughters bed apart. Christina has two beds, I have two beds, and we only need two in my townhome. We have my daughters bed apart in record time. I post it on Facebook Marketplace for $100. We haven't changed out of our bed clothes and people are hitting me up about the bed. I'm pumped. We're a team! A great team that is going to crush this move! Nothing can stop us.

0711: We're on our way to Statesboro. We have two beds, a washer and dryer, a couch, and a bunch of little stuff to move. Our plan is to pick a Uhaul up, grab her stuff, move it to my townhome, then move my old couch, bed, washer and dryer with the same Uhaul to the Salvation Army which closes at 5pm. We've planned it out, talked about it, and reserved the Uhaul two days ago. My phone buzzes and my daughters bed looks like its sold. We're ahead of schedule because we make such a good team!

0756: I have some gas, but have to hold it because I'm driving and Christina's in the passenger seat. She asks me to stop at a McDonalds in Millen so she can get some more coffee and use the restroom. I'm sitting in the drivers seat and try and let the gas go while she's in the bathroom. Holy Jesus it stinks so damn bad. I roll the windows down and am frantically fanning the air around my Jeep, worried that she might come back quickly. Thankfully, she doesn't.

0833: I still have gas but am holding it. We're almost to Statesboro and trying to figure out where we pick up our reserved Uhaul truck. I can't wait because she'll be driving my Jeep and I will be alone in the Uhaul. I won't have to worry about my stomach or the farts that are lining up in my colon like planes at a snowed in Atlanta Airport. As the controller, I can't give them clearance to fly until I'm alone because they smell God-awful. Once I'm by myself, clearance will be given.

0911: The place where I reserved the Uhual is closed for an emergency. Christina isn't fazed and looks up another place that is open on Saturdays. It's only a few minutes away and we're still on time. We aren't fazed by this hiccup. We're an amazing team, one little issue won't bother us.

0942: The second place has also decided to close for the day. We call Uhaul, and they are shocked that both places are closed. After talking to two people, one representative tells us they have a truck in Sylvania, about 23 miles away or a thirty minute drive. I ask the representative if she will call the Uhaul dealer in Sylvania to make sure they are open and to assure us a truck will be held for us. She says she will. Christina then asks, (we were on Bluetooth) if we are going to be charged for the extra mileage. That's my girl! We're an amazing team! The lady says she will add 50 extra miles to our reservation.  We're going to be a little late but our plan is still doable.

1021: We have made it to Sylvania, albeit I'm in gastric agony. To top it off, the Uhaul store that has our truck is closed. Now I'm pissed. Obviously the lady didn't call them like she said she would. Christina is just as mad as me. She and I are both out of my Jeep and I can't hold off any longer. I walk around the building like there might be an employee around back. When I come back out front I'm no longer in gastric agony, but we still don't have a truck.

1022: We call Uhaul a second time. I'm put on hold and drive across the street to a grocery store. Christina goes in and I explain the situation to three different people over ten minutes. It's ridiculous and we are finally sent back to Statesboro where they have a bigger, truck but will rent it to me at the smaller rate.

1106: We arrive at a gas station in between Brooklet and Statesboro that has our 20 foot Uhaul truck reserved for us. When I go inside I'm instantly upset. There are two counters, one for the Uhaul rentals, and one for the gas station. The issue is there is only one employee, who doesn't speak English very well, and is bouncing back and forth. A guy is in front of me renting a pull-behind Uhaul trailer. The clerk starts getting him through the paperwork, then has to go sell some lottery tickets. He comes back and starts over. Then he runs back and sells some ice, and turns the pumps on for a prepaid gasoline purchase. He comes back and starts over. You get the point.  

1121: The guy in front of me is finally getting his trailer. I've learned that the clerks name is Mayo. And there are lots of people who like to buy lottery tickets at his store.

1122: Mayo asks me to hold on and goes to get someone two bags of ice.

1123: We start and I explain the situation and hand him my reservation. He types my reservation number into the computer along with my address and then tells me, "Your address no good. Doesn't go into computer." This goes on for about twenty minutes.

1146: Mayo has helped 13 other customers since he's started with me. I'm beyond angry.

1152: We are finally getting the paperwork done and he asks me if I need a dolly. I tell him, "Actually I do, if you have one available." He then shakes his head and says, "No one available." We get into it and through his broken English I gather that he is supposed to ask that because Uhaul makes him. Even if he doesn't have a dolly.

1158: Christina is walking into the store to see what is taking so long as I'm handed the keys to our 20 foot Uhaul truck. I'm pointing at him and say something to the effect of, "I'm going to make it my fucking life mission to see that you are no longer a fucking Uhual dealer this time next week." He thanks us for our business. A lady playing lottery giggles as we leave.

1236: We arrive at Christina's, almost 4 hours late. We don't hesitate and get to work. We have her couch and bed loaded in no time. Then the washer and dryer. We are still a team! I'm still hopeful we can make it back to Augusta by 3, and then to the Salvation Army at 5pm.

1341: Yeah, we aren't going to make it. I haven't eaten, neither has Christina and we're both getting a bit short with our comments. I'm looking around at the little stuff, granted she had been packing things all week, but we still have a lot to do. I ask Christina if she thinks we should go ahead with the big stuff and come back a few days later to finish cleaning and getting the rest. Let's just say she didn't like that idea.

1403: I'm depressed. We're going to have to keep a couch, recliner, and now a washer and dryer in my living room until I can borrow a truck and get it donated. It's been a trying day and I'm a little upset she didn't like my idea coming back later in the week. I hear the glorious crack and hiss of a beer being opened and remember that I had a few beers left in her fridge. She is pounding a 16 ounce Pabst Blue Ribbon and even offers me some. I say, "No thanks."

1404: Why the hell didn't I take the beer? I'll tell you why, because I'm an impatient, stubborn, petulant child sometimes. Christina decides to try and return her modem before the cable company closes and leaves me at the house. As soon as she leaves I chug a beer like I was back in college. Which is ironic because I'm back in the town where I went to college and learned to chug beers.

1428: Christina returns and finds me on her back porch. I offer to come back next Friday and finish grabbing the little stuff and cleaning her place so its ready to rent. She reluctantly agrees. It's almost 3pm and she knows we still have a lot of work to do.

1621: We're almost to Augusta and I call my best friend, Tommy, to wish him a happy birthday. He doesn't answer. I'm happy to be alone in the Uhaul which surprisingly does 75mph.

1701: We make it back to my house and I back the Uhaul in. My neighbor, Carl, who is disabled rolls up. I ask him if he wants a washer and dyer to sell, and tell him he could keep all the profits. He could use the money and I really didn't want them in the house. He seems excited about it and tells me to bring them up the street.

1721: We have to stop moving stuff in because the lady shows up to buy my daughter's bed. Once she loads it up, we get going and I'm taking some stuff up to the attic for storage. We try to get Christina's full size mattress up, but it won't fit through the small attic door. She asks me to try and sell it for her so she doesn't have to deal with strangers messaging her. I understand and take a picture of it and go right to Facebook Marketplace. Then we got into an argument about how it should be described. I forgot to put that it was an 11 inch mattress. I remembered that it was a memory foam, medium firmness, full size mattress. But, apparently that 11 inches was an important part of the description. I ended up having to delete my initial post and starting over to add the 11 inches. (insert joke here) We don't seem to be a very good team anymore.

1738: It's time to get my washer and dryer down the stairs. I'll spare you the details but it didn't go well. After the first step, the washer rolled on top of me and I'm pretty sure Christina was laughing. Then, shocked when I was able to stabilize it and push it back up.

1819: Both the washer and dryer are at Carl's house. All we have to do is get hers up the stairs, my couch out, and her couch in. Another neighbor, Justin, who is in his twenties walks up. Christina bribes him with a 36 inch flat screen TV to help me get the washer and dryer up and couches switched out. Apparently there is an I in T.E.A.M.

1851: Justin and I are done. He's walking home with his TV and I'm ready to collapse. I decide to go to the Goodwill and drop my couch and coffee table at the donation site. I won't get a receipt but damn, this way we don't have to live with all that stuff crammed into our living room. Nobody has expressed interest in Christina's 11 inch memory foam, medium firmness, full size mattress. I wonder if we described it well enough.

1948: I'll be damned, but the Goodwill is still open. The donation guy helps me unload the couch and coffee table. I've had that couch for ten years. I took a lot of naps on that couch. My daughter and I snuggled on it when she was two years old. I'm a bit nostalgic.

2031: Christina meets me at the Uhaul store in Augusta where I can drop it after hours. I have to use my phone to take pictures of the odometer, cab, and cargo of the truck and submit them online with my request to drop it off. I'm charged extra for going over my mileage. I don't think the girl added the fifty extra miles like she said she would.

2149: After some pizza, Christina and I put our new bed together. We get some sheets and a blanket on it, and both of us refresh our whiskeys. (our drink of choice after a day of moving)

2217: Stuff is piled up in every corner of the house. But, we can watch TV in our living room, and we can sleep in our bed. I shower first and Christina puts on a bathrobe. We both have a nightcap and I sat down in our bed and sipped my drink. I slowly reached out and we held hands. I was asleep thee minutes later.

We're still a team. If all goes right, we will be forever.  


Postscript: I started this the night of the move. I had woken up around 1am and forced myself awake because I knew I had to work all night the next day. I stayed up until 4am writing the beginning of this. And then I literally slept all day, from 4am to 4pm. During that time Christina worked her ass off. She made our house into a home, and I was busy sleeping. Granted, I had to work all night the next day, but still, it should be noted that the day after this move how hard she kept going. She put more stuff away and organized our stuff all day while I slept.

Oh, and her 11 inch, memory foam, medium firmness, full size mattress sold for five dollars less than what she asked for the next day.