DISCLAIMER! If you are one of those people that gets all up in arms about politics and a fan of this blog or my writing, you may want to skip this post. I'm going to try and keep it very down the middle, and the last thing I'm going to do is try and sway anyone on an issue, it's just that anytime something political is brought up, some people get angry and that's the last thing I would want to do. Let's face it, I need all the fans I can get at this point.
So, in a couple days I'm taking the kid to Disney. I'm excited for her, but I am not necessarily looking forward to it. At this point I pretty much hope I don't get caught mixing rum into my Diet Coke and get us thrown out. Laney and I've already spoke about the importance of checking which drinks are hers in the backpack. Just kidding mom! Well, not really.
I've been running around trying to get stuff done since I'll be gone for about a week. I had to replace a tire, do laundry, early vote since I'll be gone on the 24th, get a haircut, clean the car, blah blah blah. I finally ran to the side of town where the early voting precinct is and was happy that my votes are actually going to count in the Georgia Primary. Several races are important to me, the county commissioner that represents me, the state senate and representatives from my district, a few local superior court judge seats, and the most important one to me was the one for coroner. I've worked with our current coroner since I've been here, and he's a great one. And one of his assistants, Ms. Harriet, I swear is the nicest person on the planet. I have never seen her, never in fifteen years, where she hasn't hugged the next of kin. Or any deputy, paramedic, or investigator. Every time I've seen her, it doesn't matter if its a murder, suicide, natural death, or an infant, (the worst) she always hugs everyone. And not a half-over the arm hug. She brings you in and hugs you, closes her eyes, and savors it. I swear the nicest person in the world.
So I was feeling all political, proud to be an American, and listening to talk radio as I ran around town today. The only talk radio here is pretty conservative, Glenn Beck and then Rush, from mid-morning through the afternoon, and while I don't identify as that conservative, I try and keep an open mind and listen all the points of view. Then at Goodyear, they had Fox News on in the waiting area, and I watched the updates about the plane off the coast of Greece, and the speculation about terrorism. Back in the car and one of the guys was talking about the transgender bathroom stuff and I turned the channel. I don't really care about it, and personally, I guess I was getting tired of listening about what I consider a non-issue. To me, like gay marriage, it doesn't really matter and there seems to be a bunch of fighting and media coverage about a bunch of nothing. I never really understood the fight against gay marriage and the last person I want to tell me who to marry would be the government. (Another disclaimer, these are my personal opinions, and if you have a different viewpoint, contact me and I can't promise that I'll change my mind, but I can promise that I'll listen to you and try and see your point of view. I pride myself on being open-minded)
After lunch I took a nap, it was glorious, and then I started getting ready for the afternoon. I'm a weirdo and wash what little hair I have left before a haircut, and then I put on my gym clothes because there is a Super Cuts just down from my gym. I usually go to the one by my house, but I decided to go to the one by the gym to save some time. As soon as I walked into the door I saw her. And she was hot. Tall, at least six-three, long dark hair, and she was wearing a skirt that if the wind blow the right way I'd been looking at her panties. Her legs were long and shapely, and she was pretty much falling out of the top she had on. As she walked to the counter to check me in I realized she had on a good bit of makeup. I thought to myself, "She gets dressed up for work. Like she really works at it. At Super Cuts. That's weird."
She sat me down and talked about cutting my hair, which usually takes all of nine minutes. That was when I saw her hands. And I'm not talking about Donald Trump itsy-bitsy-tiny-man hands. She had Andre the Giant let me crush your skull in one hand while I drain a beer with another hands. That's when I started thinking, "Holy shit, she's a man."
Literally as I was thinking that, she is rubbing the back of my head. I feel a little uncomfortable, and try to check her out in the mirror. I notice her accent is too southern, like she is forcing it, the makeup is applied heavy, real heavy, and her boobs had to be fake. When she grabbed the clippers I looked at her legs, and I can't tell a difference. It was obvious she worked out, but that was it. The cop in me kicks in and I search for her cosmetology license. They are usually posted on the mirror. Hers isn't anywhere to be seen.
We make small talk and like usual, nine minutes later, the haircut is done. I've spent the nine minutes trying to come up with a way to figure out if she was a guy, but don't have any luck. She's still a tall hot chick with hands that could palm two basketballs at once. Another guy is leaving at the same time as me and I stop him outside and ask if he comes to that Super Cuts often. He says he does, and I ask, "Do you think that tall one that cut my hair is a dude?"
He laughs and told me, "First time I've seen her. And I hope not, that would ruin my day."
As I left I started thinking about the transgender bathroom issue which the media seems to be pushing these days. All I could think was, "If that was a guy, I'd feel pretty uncomfortable standing next to him at a urinal. Like real uncomfortable."
I thought about that for a few minutes, then took off to the gym. Next stop, the happiest place on earth. Disney World! If you read about a first time author and full time cop and his daughter getting thrown out for sneaking booze in the park, that would be me. And I will blame my friend John, he's the one that told me, "Bring one bottle of red Gatorade, and one bottle of clear, but dump the clear and fill it with vodka. Then, after lunch, find one of the rides that have entrances where the lines are inside. Head in and mix."